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SUNDAY SPECTATOR
March 3, 2002
The uses & abuses of narcissism
Of the personality disorders that contribute to public pleasure few enjoy so poor a reputation as narcissism. And yet few are as poorly understood for it is the conventional belief that narcissists are beautiful people. Perhaps this was true in Greek mythology where Narcissus born to Liriope a river naiad ravished by Cephisus the river god was a beautiful golden boy adored alike by all who beheld him girls and boys women and men Naiads and Oreads. He could love no one according to the poet Ovid not even the enchanting Echo who wasted away in pining for him till nothing was left of her save her voice. But eventually Narcissus found his own reflection in the still water of a grass-bordered pool and fell hopelessly in love with that -- himself pining unable to break away until he shrank into the flower. The point here is that "narcissism" is not love of one's own personal beauty but almost the opposite love of one's self and I have noticed that even quite ugly people are capable of narcissism. It is a love of oneself in the objects that reflect one and by extension the willingness to possess only what can be assimilated into one's own ego rejecting everything outside. The true narcissist will spend hours raptly contemplating his own works no matter how shoddily they have been made. He is the child examining his own mud pies. We are all born narcissists perhaps this is one of the things that distinguishes us from the other animals though I read somewhere in one of the Leakeys that little apes exhibit narcissistic traits and I wouldn't put it past the dolphins. It is part of the psychic package we are born with like the food sack around the seed of the pear to keep us going till we sprout roots and leaves. Babies spend months in self-contemplation and do not even begin to learn language until they notice the first thing outside themselves usually a dotard mama. Alternatively everything in nature is perfectly narcissistic except the human alone has the capacity to rise and become a saint. On a spur I "googled" the web to see if there were narcissism support groups and sure enough there is one -- as you might expect in San Francisco. It would seem to be the genuine article for the members of the group are each under the impression that they are victimized by some narcissist. However the belief that someone else's extravagant habits is a threat per se to one's happy peace of mind is practically the definition of a narcissist and I'm glad these people have found each other. We have heard of "WMD" (weapons of mass destruction) which break down into "NBC" (nuclear biological and chemical). In pop psychology we have "MPD" (massive personality disorders) which would seem to consist of "NPA" (narcissism perfectionism and aggression). Your standard stereotypical narcissist (it is apparently okay to stereotype these people) flaunts himself in balletomanic posturing alarming arm and hand gestures self-obsessive speech exhibitionist clothing unnecessary adornments and an endless search for the klieg lights. (I don't know why we say "he".) It is the old human search for glory carried somewhat over the boundaries of good taste and to the cusp of antisocial behaviour enhanced by that radiant gingival smile. (The one that shows the gums and not the teeth only.) In other words it was every performer and award recipient who took the stage in Wednesday night's Grammy presentations in Los Angeles. I myself was rooting for Alicia Keyes whose sultry Harlem voice classical piano training brilliant multi-tracking of genres and wasp-like figure and face have distracted me from the war in Afghanistan. They become role models for the urban poor and everyone else in search of an identity Echoes without personalities enjoined by our school system to find "self-esteem". And how are we to confront narcissism when the teachers in our public schools fear their pupils haven't enough of it? In reality they are all fools and their kids are narcissists already. For you don't have to be original to indulge in self-love. You only have to be alive. And those who do genuinely lack self-regard tend anyway not to live to adulthood. They need more help than narcissism can provide. So while Narcissism can become a wasting disease it is meanwhile at least a living faith and something to be carrying on with. It needs to be drawn out of itself and Perfectionism is a worthy rod. Let the child long not only to make but to be good at what he is making and to take pleasure that it is good. Let him then acquire a little Aggression so that he takes his good works out into the world. I was moved by the story of this gifted Harlem girl practising through childhood on the piano a child of Beethoven and Chopin. And well after her discovery by the talent coaches (people who embody the opposite of narcissism) taking two years to produce her first album until she had it right. And suddenly it seems as if she had always been there in the timelessness of fame though it was only the day before yesterday she was getting "amped" for her first performance. And now two continents are shocked by the bold self-mastery of "Fallin' -- with its echo of blues and Negro gospel music -- oh, sing unto the Lord a new song! For suddenly it isn't narcissism any more, when the song works, and we all take pleasure. And that wonderful bond begins to form between actor and audience, voice and ears, when we own and are owned by one another. God singing through us. Life returning from dessication: the models on the catwalks are women again, not anorexics in spikes and feathers; and the music in the air has turned from rap to soul. America itself -- this larger America of which we are a part -- is filling with the juices of a new spring, and the lust for beauty is resurfacing, in all its many forms. You see it everywhere. Narcissism is being defeated, is succumbing to a better pride; is consuming itself, and the seed is regrowing, heavenward. But I could not wish to dismiss -- to dis -- narcissism entirely. It makes such an excellent point of departure. David Warren
© Ottawa Citizen
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